I should update this more often because whenever I want to there has been so much that has happened in between the last time I posted and this time.
I started my new job. I work as a toddler teacher. I work 40 hours a week from the hours 9:30-6:30. I am usually exhausted. It is draining yet rewarding. All of the people I work with are really nice. People take me seriously. I like that :) The one bad thing about this job is that I am not able to serve in ministry as much as I would like to.
and now this is where I am going to express some heavier stuff
Things are not working out in Hartford like I thought they would. It's funny how we have our own plans and our own agendas and we actually think they will work out perfectly. What I am learning is that God is so much bigger than our plans. His plans are so much bigger than ours. I am really starting to think that he brought me to Hartford to do more than serve with Hartford City Mission. -Yes that ministry is great and I am so passionate about the work that we do and I still want to be involved as much as possible. What i am trying to say that He is definitely calling me into other things...I am not so sure what those are yet.
I am also learning a lot about community. I was honestly feeling so so so down a few weeks ago. I felt as if I had not found that true community that I so desire. Because of that I was so empty. I have so missed engaging in genuine relationship with other Christians. I missed engaging with God through community. I love hearing about other peoples faith experiences, getting to know other peoples stories, studying scripture with my best friends, and learning more about God through fellowship with other people. Well I was having a conversation with a pretty new but good friend about this very thing. He was very affirming and very generous and careful with his words. I was getting pretty vulnerable and for the first time in a while and it felt so safe. A lot more came out of that conversation that I am still processing and still considering. I do want to say that for the first time in so long I feel the bond of community that I have been missing. I feel loved, actually I know that I am. It's a really sweet feeling.
Out of that conversation I mentioned above, I have realized that there are plenty of things that I need to work through. I am fearful of that because I know that it will be extremely uncomfortable and at times painful. Jesus is the only person who can heal me of these things but I am wondering if I need a little help in that process. I have been feeling the need for some spiritual guidance. And right now I need to be praying about what form of that would be best. (mentor, Christian counselor...) please pray with me.
I am in New Mexico right now visiting my family for Christmas. I was so excited to come. I was so excited to see my sister because our conversations over the phone were so good recently. That excitement ended all too quickly. I was silly to think that everything would change and there would be generosity and love flowing at this family gathering. I have spent most of the time silent because I am tired of upsetting her or saying something that she will debate me with. I try to speak up and stand up for myself but the all to familiar past way of dealing with conflict comes rushing back. Mom says not to worry about it. But it's hard not to worry about. But I am reminded that without Jesus there is not going to be true generosity and love. It's just more of a reminder that Jesus is the only one who loves us perfectly. He is the only one who is good to us. So as I mourn over a broken relationship, Jesus is there offering me His perfect relationship. That is refreshing. :) That makes me feel free. As much as I may disappoint someone Jesus offers his forgiveness.
Okay, that's enough. haha. I am not going to add any prayer requests this time. Just because if you read this you should know what to pray for.
PS. I met someone (a guy) who makes my heart kinda melt a little ;) I am praying for God's will. I am also praying that I could protect my heart, but not put up a wall around it.
Another PS I am surviving the snow...It's beautiful and is revealing more of God's creativity to me!
Love you all!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
It's been almost 2 months since I updated this thing last.
I don't even really know where to start.
I guess I will say that I now live upstairs in the Community of the Vine. It's the same house I lived in during the summer I just live on the second floor with different people. I love it. It can be loud and busy but it's great. It is a challenge to live with 3 children but I embrace the challenge.
I just got a new job. I will be working at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. The pay is great and I will get HEALTH BENEFITS!!! Praise God! I was a little apprehensive about taking the job because I really enjoy my current one. It was really hard to leave the babies. I love babies. But this was an obvious answer to prayer! As much as I loved my job it was really just not a good situation...hours were not guaranteed and one of my last paychecks only 25 dollars more than my rent. I hate that money has to be an issue...but the truth is it is.
Speaking of money I am in a new bible study called Sabbath Economics. Sabbath Economics is a study through both Old and New Testament teachings dealing with money, possessions, wealth, and poverty. It is so interesting, challenging, convicting, amazing ect. I have learned a lot.
I have moved back to the church searching process. I really like the one I am at now because of the community. Everyone is great! But I am not being challenged at all really. I think I will still be connected in small ways like fellowship events and their saturday night services.
It's getting cold out. and I know cold is all opinion but I am from San Diego. Until now I didn't really know what it was like for it to get under 50 degrees during the day. I don't really enjoy it. Gloomy weather kinda makes me feel gloomy. I don't like it. soon it will be getting even colder. It's almost December...What?! Honestly that's crazy... Want to know something else crazy...Tomorrow will be 6 months since I said goodbye to my friends and the place I called home. wow. I can't really handle that right now. I just got my CT drivers license the other day...sometimes when I think about how far away I really am I just don't believe it.
It's almost Thanksgiving. Since my parents moved away 2 years ago Thanksgiving has always been a hard holiday. Only because that was our biggest family holiday. I just have memories of waking up early to make the stuffing with my mom and my sister. I remember waiting at the window for all of our aunts and uncles to show up. I remember my mom getting annoyed at my aunt for always being in her way while she was preparing the meal. I remember and miss my grandmas gross jello salad thing. We would all eat it even though no body really truly enjoyed it. :) Since my parents left I have spent Thanksgiving with my best friends and their families. It's crazy that this time last year and actually today is a year...We (so many people) assembled for a pot luck Thanksgiving dinner at the broken piano house. It was so much fun. There was so much joy....That was also the day I moved in with Courtney. What a life changing experience that was. The best roommate situation since I moved out of my parents house....
But I am here in Hartford for a reason! People are always welcome to take a trip to the East Coast and come see me! I would really enjoy that.
I want to know how I can be praying for all of you who read this.
Always remember that God is good. If I had a theme phrase this year it would be that.
I don't even really know where to start.
I guess I will say that I now live upstairs in the Community of the Vine. It's the same house I lived in during the summer I just live on the second floor with different people. I love it. It can be loud and busy but it's great. It is a challenge to live with 3 children but I embrace the challenge.
I just got a new job. I will be working at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. The pay is great and I will get HEALTH BENEFITS!!! Praise God! I was a little apprehensive about taking the job because I really enjoy my current one. It was really hard to leave the babies. I love babies. But this was an obvious answer to prayer! As much as I loved my job it was really just not a good situation...hours were not guaranteed and one of my last paychecks only 25 dollars more than my rent. I hate that money has to be an issue...but the truth is it is.
Speaking of money I am in a new bible study called Sabbath Economics. Sabbath Economics is a study through both Old and New Testament teachings dealing with money, possessions, wealth, and poverty. It is so interesting, challenging, convicting, amazing ect. I have learned a lot.
I have moved back to the church searching process. I really like the one I am at now because of the community. Everyone is great! But I am not being challenged at all really. I think I will still be connected in small ways like fellowship events and their saturday night services.
It's getting cold out. and I know cold is all opinion but I am from San Diego. Until now I didn't really know what it was like for it to get under 50 degrees during the day. I don't really enjoy it. Gloomy weather kinda makes me feel gloomy. I don't like it. soon it will be getting even colder. It's almost December...What?! Honestly that's crazy... Want to know something else crazy...Tomorrow will be 6 months since I said goodbye to my friends and the place I called home. wow. I can't really handle that right now. I just got my CT drivers license the other day...sometimes when I think about how far away I really am I just don't believe it.
It's almost Thanksgiving. Since my parents moved away 2 years ago Thanksgiving has always been a hard holiday. Only because that was our biggest family holiday. I just have memories of waking up early to make the stuffing with my mom and my sister. I remember waiting at the window for all of our aunts and uncles to show up. I remember my mom getting annoyed at my aunt for always being in her way while she was preparing the meal. I remember and miss my grandmas gross jello salad thing. We would all eat it even though no body really truly enjoyed it. :) Since my parents left I have spent Thanksgiving with my best friends and their families. It's crazy that this time last year and actually today is a year...We (so many people) assembled for a pot luck Thanksgiving dinner at the broken piano house. It was so much fun. There was so much joy....That was also the day I moved in with Courtney. What a life changing experience that was. The best roommate situation since I moved out of my parents house....
But I am here in Hartford for a reason! People are always welcome to take a trip to the East Coast and come see me! I would really enjoy that.
I want to know how I can be praying for all of you who read this.
Always remember that God is good. If I had a theme phrase this year it would be that.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
It's been a while since I have written anything on here. My purpose was to have this blog be a summer thing. Something that I could share with people who were interested in what I was doing here. Also it was a way to share prayer requests. This blog was also for myself. It was something I could use to get my thoughts and concerns and praises out. Well Summer (the season) officially ended a few days ago and I have decided to keep this blog going.
To update you all, life in Hartford is good. I will soon be moving upstairs to live in community. I really think it's going to be an interesting experience. I have been working at the daycare in Rocky Hill for about 1 month now. It's going pretty well but the hours I have right now are pretty annoying. (just about every evening to about 9 or 11) That makes it hard to meet people and make friends. But Praise God, I think I found a church! I am really excited about it and have started meeting people and making friends.
The past month has been a month and a half has been a season in my life like no other. With the loss of my grandmother I was taken to a place that I longed to be for so long, the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father. Much of the summer I had a lot of fear and a lot of doubt, making it hard to really feel close to Him. Since then life has been great. When everything seemed to crash down around me I was okay. All I could do was trust that the Lord had this in His hands. Through the tears, I would praise Him.
This brings us to now and I want to share a cool story that happened last night:
Last night was such a blessing. I had the chance to serve dinner to the Destiny Children's Choir from Kampala, Uganda. This was so good. They were all so nice and funny too! And their Joy?! wow so amazing. It was so good and I learned a lot just by being with them for a short amount of time. After dinner was over they called us into the dining room and clapped and thanked us for our service. We were then lovingly embraced by the hugs of 17 beautiful children of God. Before we left them for the night they wanted to pray for us "African Style" is what Solomon called it! They laid their hands on us and all prayed different prayers but at the same time. Some prayed in English and some prayed in a different language (lugandan I think I heard it called) Honestly it was beautiful.
Later at Elevate, our Saturday night service, some of the kids and leaders came. It was so good to worship with them. It's a beautiful thing when people from all different places come together and worship the living God in spirit and in truth. We stood in the dark room, hands raised up high, UNITED! So so so so amazing.
Things in Hartford are going pretty well! Last night at Elevate while I was praying, I felt God telling me to get involved in more things in the North End. Particularly things relating to making sure people are fed. He was moving through that room! I love this new church and I am so glad that I found it!
God is so good and loving and patient and amazing.
1 Timothy 1:12
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.
To update you all, life in Hartford is good. I will soon be moving upstairs to live in community. I really think it's going to be an interesting experience. I have been working at the daycare in Rocky Hill for about 1 month now. It's going pretty well but the hours I have right now are pretty annoying. (just about every evening to about 9 or 11) That makes it hard to meet people and make friends. But Praise God, I think I found a church! I am really excited about it and have started meeting people and making friends.
The past month has been a month and a half has been a season in my life like no other. With the loss of my grandmother I was taken to a place that I longed to be for so long, the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father. Much of the summer I had a lot of fear and a lot of doubt, making it hard to really feel close to Him. Since then life has been great. When everything seemed to crash down around me I was okay. All I could do was trust that the Lord had this in His hands. Through the tears, I would praise Him.
This brings us to now and I want to share a cool story that happened last night:
Last night was such a blessing. I had the chance to serve dinner to the Destiny Children's Choir from Kampala, Uganda. This was so good. They were all so nice and funny too! And their Joy?! wow so amazing. It was so good and I learned a lot just by being with them for a short amount of time. After dinner was over they called us into the dining room and clapped and thanked us for our service. We were then lovingly embraced by the hugs of 17 beautiful children of God. Before we left them for the night they wanted to pray for us "African Style" is what Solomon called it! They laid their hands on us and all prayed different prayers but at the same time. Some prayed in English and some prayed in a different language (lugandan I think I heard it called) Honestly it was beautiful.
Later at Elevate, our Saturday night service, some of the kids and leaders came. It was so good to worship with them. It's a beautiful thing when people from all different places come together and worship the living God in spirit and in truth. We stood in the dark room, hands raised up high, UNITED! So so so so amazing.
Things in Hartford are going pretty well! Last night at Elevate while I was praying, I felt God telling me to get involved in more things in the North End. Particularly things relating to making sure people are fed. He was moving through that room! I love this new church and I am so glad that I found it!
God is so good and loving and patient and amazing.
1 Timothy 1:12
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.
Friday, August 14, 2009
How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure
It sure has been a while since I have wrote anything here.
A lot has happened and I am not quite sure where to start...
The internship is over. I have mixed feelings about that. I guess you could say it's a bittersweet feeling. I am so excited the summer went well. I am so excited about the friendships that were made this summer. I am thankful. I am sad that we are not all living together anymore. I am sad that we are not spending our afternoons with the kids.
The last week of the internship we had a high school youth group staying with us. We let them take charge of camp and plan things. That was a huge success and it was cool to see them learn. It's also cool because I am a product of a high school group. :) I am in Hartford because of the trip I took here in 06. Because we had to pretty much lead these high school kids all week, it gave us the chance to really dive into what we have learned this summer. We all shared what this summer has been to us.
Here are just a few things I learned
I am going to be honest and say that this past week has been pretty difficult. Saturday and Sunday we said our goodbyes to people who were leaving to go back home.(so weird that this time last year I was on my way home..now I'm not) I went to a new church on Sunday. We went to Sunday School in the morning too. Once again, not the church for me. Please pray that I am able to find a church soon. I need community.
Sunday night we went to Sanctuary at Christ Church (we have gone a few times this summer) in Rhode Island. It was so good. I found myself so broken before the Lord tearfully confessing my fears and admitting to God the areas that I have failed him. And once again there he was with open arms waiting. I am so thankful for the presence of the Spirit that night and how God used Psalm 51 to bring me to my knees.
Monday I went to see Tara in philly! so good! It was really nice to see a friend from home. My 4 day adventure there was too short but I needed to make it back in time for Jeff and Emily's going away dinner. Let me just tell you that it was another very tearful night. Jeff and Emily are going to Thailand tomorrow for 4 months and doing some of their own traveling to work in different orphanages and other places for about 6 more months. Their families came a lot of HCM people came. We had a time of worship through song and then a time of prayer for Jeff and Emily. We all then gathered and to pray and lay our hands on them to send them off. We ended by singing Amazing Grace and I don't know if there was a dry eye in the room. We are all so excited for them! God has prepared their hearts and they are ready to do His work. But once again a bittersweet goodbye. And though it is only ten months we are losing a vital part of the family!
One cool thing about last night was through the stories and the tears and the prayers I gained a little bit of peace about when I left. Seeing their parents struggle with goodbyes and letting their kids go I finally understood to impact of my journey to my family and some of my friends! I feel like that is hard to explain haha.
Anyway this is really long... So I'm off to shower and then go to bed!
Things you can pray about-
That I make friends. I am very lonely now that I don't live with 4 other people anymore.
Pray for housing. Right now I am staying in the same room I had this summer. So I am alone on the first floor of the vine. THere is an HCM board meeting monday to figure things out
Pray that God would continually use me here and that I would be aware to opportunities that he gives
And I want to say thanks to all who have faithfully kept reading my updates and praying for me. I also want to thank anyone who reads this (a second time) for supporting me financially
I love you guys!
"Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strenghten you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaiah 41:10
Psalm 51:10-11
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me
A lot has happened and I am not quite sure where to start...
The internship is over. I have mixed feelings about that. I guess you could say it's a bittersweet feeling. I am so excited the summer went well. I am so excited about the friendships that were made this summer. I am thankful. I am sad that we are not all living together anymore. I am sad that we are not spending our afternoons with the kids.
The last week of the internship we had a high school youth group staying with us. We let them take charge of camp and plan things. That was a huge success and it was cool to see them learn. It's also cool because I am a product of a high school group. :) I am in Hartford because of the trip I took here in 06. Because we had to pretty much lead these high school kids all week, it gave us the chance to really dive into what we have learned this summer. We all shared what this summer has been to us.
Here are just a few things I learned
- Everyone in this city, I mean the children, adults, poor, rich, christian, non-christian...we all have one thing in common. The need for Jesus as our savior.
- Everyone here has a story. Their poverty does not define them. They have dreams, desires, fears, opportunities, a past, a future.
- I did not come here to "save" the people in this city. I have come to live alongside of them. To live in true community. To use the resources that God so generously gave me to serve here. I have much to learn from the people of Hartford and I pray that I do. It's awesome because we can learn from each other!
I am going to be honest and say that this past week has been pretty difficult. Saturday and Sunday we said our goodbyes to people who were leaving to go back home.(so weird that this time last year I was on my way home..now I'm not) I went to a new church on Sunday. We went to Sunday School in the morning too. Once again, not the church for me. Please pray that I am able to find a church soon. I need community.
Sunday night we went to Sanctuary at Christ Church (we have gone a few times this summer) in Rhode Island. It was so good. I found myself so broken before the Lord tearfully confessing my fears and admitting to God the areas that I have failed him. And once again there he was with open arms waiting. I am so thankful for the presence of the Spirit that night and how God used Psalm 51 to bring me to my knees.
Monday I went to see Tara in philly! so good! It was really nice to see a friend from home. My 4 day adventure there was too short but I needed to make it back in time for Jeff and Emily's going away dinner. Let me just tell you that it was another very tearful night. Jeff and Emily are going to Thailand tomorrow for 4 months and doing some of their own traveling to work in different orphanages and other places for about 6 more months. Their families came a lot of HCM people came. We had a time of worship through song and then a time of prayer for Jeff and Emily. We all then gathered and to pray and lay our hands on them to send them off. We ended by singing Amazing Grace and I don't know if there was a dry eye in the room. We are all so excited for them! God has prepared their hearts and they are ready to do His work. But once again a bittersweet goodbye. And though it is only ten months we are losing a vital part of the family!
One cool thing about last night was through the stories and the tears and the prayers I gained a little bit of peace about when I left. Seeing their parents struggle with goodbyes and letting their kids go I finally understood to impact of my journey to my family and some of my friends! I feel like that is hard to explain haha.
Anyway this is really long... So I'm off to shower and then go to bed!
Things you can pray about-
That I make friends. I am very lonely now that I don't live with 4 other people anymore.
Pray for housing. Right now I am staying in the same room I had this summer. So I am alone on the first floor of the vine. THere is an HCM board meeting monday to figure things out
Pray that God would continually use me here and that I would be aware to opportunities that he gives
And I want to say thanks to all who have faithfully kept reading my updates and praying for me. I also want to thank anyone who reads this (a second time) for supporting me financially
I love you guys!
"Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strenghten you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaiah 41:10
Psalm 51:10-11
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wait because in His time, so shall this night Soon end in joy
Sometimes I wonder why I am here...I wonder why I even moved here.
Most of the time I feel like I know I heard God's voice so clearly and other times I feel like I just wanted this so badly that maybe it was my voice. Deep down I know it was God and it still is. There was such a peace...such a confidence in this choice. That was how I knew it was God. I think Satan knows what my weaknesses are. He knows that I stress out easily and he knows that I doubt my decisions. And I feel as if this week he is attacking me with that. Not to say that I don't have any responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, but I think he is using them.
Right now any thought of the future freaks me out. I usually end up in tears. Where will I go in 2 and a half weeks?I have no place to live. I have no church community in Hartford. What am I going to do in the holiday season when everyone is with their family? There is so much to do and not enough time to do it. One day it will be winter...and I'm not prepared. Everyone has somebody (boyfriends, best friends, siblings, parents)
I had my orientation for my new job that starts in August today. On the drive home I couldn't help but cry. I am going to be a full time assistant with infants. My dream job? I thought so. But where does that leave me as far as ministry in the city? Most of my time will be spent at work just like it was in San Diego. I mean I hope and pray that I can make my work place another mission field also.
I don't want the rest of this update to be a downer. I just write all of this because I do better writing than I do expressing my feelings, thoughts and desires in speaking them.
So on a more positive note....
God is continuing to work here. Camp has been crazy this week but there are still those little moments that the kids get what we are learning. It is so evident that God is working in them. That they excitedly answer : "I do believe. I want to follow God! " Or kids who were so difficult at the start of summer are now gentle and obedient children. Even one of our street leaders who we weren't so sure was following Jesus volunteering to pray for our day and asked steve many questions after he gave salvation message to the children.
Thank you for those who continue to read this and pray. I shared earlier areas that I am having trouble with...so you can just pray for those things
I miss you san diego friends.
"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." psalm 63:3
Most of the time I feel like I know I heard God's voice so clearly and other times I feel like I just wanted this so badly that maybe it was my voice. Deep down I know it was God and it still is. There was such a peace...such a confidence in this choice. That was how I knew it was God. I think Satan knows what my weaknesses are. He knows that I stress out easily and he knows that I doubt my decisions. And I feel as if this week he is attacking me with that. Not to say that I don't have any responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, but I think he is using them.
Right now any thought of the future freaks me out. I usually end up in tears. Where will I go in 2 and a half weeks?I have no place to live. I have no church community in Hartford. What am I going to do in the holiday season when everyone is with their family? There is so much to do and not enough time to do it. One day it will be winter...and I'm not prepared. Everyone has somebody (boyfriends, best friends, siblings, parents)
I had my orientation for my new job that starts in August today. On the drive home I couldn't help but cry. I am going to be a full time assistant with infants. My dream job? I thought so. But where does that leave me as far as ministry in the city? Most of my time will be spent at work just like it was in San Diego. I mean I hope and pray that I can make my work place another mission field also.
I don't want the rest of this update to be a downer. I just write all of this because I do better writing than I do expressing my feelings, thoughts and desires in speaking them.
So on a more positive note....
God is continuing to work here. Camp has been crazy this week but there are still those little moments that the kids get what we are learning. It is so evident that God is working in them. That they excitedly answer : "I do believe. I want to follow God! " Or kids who were so difficult at the start of summer are now gentle and obedient children. Even one of our street leaders who we weren't so sure was following Jesus volunteering to pray for our day and asked steve many questions after he gave salvation message to the children.
Thank you for those who continue to read this and pray. I shared earlier areas that I am having trouble with...so you can just pray for those things
I miss you san diego friends.
"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." psalm 63:3
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The storm is wild enough for sailing
I never really know how to start off these updates.
We have been really busy these past few weeks.
Last weekend we went to New Hampshire on our intern retreat. We spent the weekend at a lake house. So great! The weekend was much needed and a huge growing experience for all of us. We did this thing called straight talk. Straight Talk is an exercise where we tell each other areas of strengths we see in each other. Another part of Straight Talk is a expressing areas of weakness we see in each other. That was a really good thing but very emotional. I think we all cried haha.
Basically I need to work on speaking up about how I feel or opinions I have. I'm not pliable just quiet.
Camp is going pretty good. We have a new location because the church we are meeting at needs their building free for their kids programs. There have been some really heavy days as far as problems with the kids. It's hard to watch them get angry. It's hard see them use violence as a first response. But it is so rewarding to see them helping one another! To see them learning is awesome! Today Leishla told me that she was scared last night but then was okay when she realized Jesus was with her. She is 7. Her faith moves me sometimes.
There have been some days where I have felt like I made the wrong choice by moving out here! There have been days where I have felt so alone and scared about this new time. To say the least...It's been a rough week.
Today is a new day and I am feeling pretty good. Exhausted but good. We have bible study tonight and that is my favorite part of the week!
Please be praying for the kids at camp. We are in the process of teaching them about the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Please also be praying for my fundraising. There are 3 weeks left and I need about 300 more dollars to reach my goal.
Pray for guidance and discernment in finding a place to live. We have 3 weeks.
Pray for God to fill me with his peace in times of uncertainty and fear.
I know this is kinda jumbled...but so am I right now:)
I will leave you with two things that have been on my heart.
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
We have been really busy these past few weeks.
Last weekend we went to New Hampshire on our intern retreat. We spent the weekend at a lake house. So great! The weekend was much needed and a huge growing experience for all of us. We did this thing called straight talk. Straight Talk is an exercise where we tell each other areas of strengths we see in each other. Another part of Straight Talk is a expressing areas of weakness we see in each other. That was a really good thing but very emotional. I think we all cried haha.
Basically I need to work on speaking up about how I feel or opinions I have. I'm not pliable just quiet.
Camp is going pretty good. We have a new location because the church we are meeting at needs their building free for their kids programs. There have been some really heavy days as far as problems with the kids. It's hard to watch them get angry. It's hard see them use violence as a first response. But it is so rewarding to see them helping one another! To see them learning is awesome! Today Leishla told me that she was scared last night but then was okay when she realized Jesus was with her. She is 7. Her faith moves me sometimes.
There have been some days where I have felt like I made the wrong choice by moving out here! There have been days where I have felt so alone and scared about this new time. To say the least...It's been a rough week.
Today is a new day and I am feeling pretty good. Exhausted but good. We have bible study tonight and that is my favorite part of the week!
Please be praying for the kids at camp. We are in the process of teaching them about the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Please also be praying for my fundraising. There are 3 weeks left and I need about 300 more dollars to reach my goal.
Pray for guidance and discernment in finding a place to live. We have 3 weeks.
Pray for God to fill me with his peace in times of uncertainty and fear.
I know this is kinda jumbled...but so am I right now:)
I will leave you with two things that have been on my heart.
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I feel your hands around my heart
It's been another week since I last updated this.
I feel like I can't even really explain everything that happened in the past week. To go into detail would be difficult because it is a blur. To be honest, last week was hard. Maybe one of the hardest weeks at camp we have had so far.
By Thursday all of us were ready for the weekend. I personally felt defeated and my heart was just really heavy.
I thank God for the little things. The other day this little boy named Micah was really upset. He was sitting on the steps with his head down. Jaheim, one of the other boys in my group, just started to tickle him. Micah couldn't help but to burst out in laughter. Those moments make my day. And being the emotional fountain I am, those moments also bring tears to my eyes.
We went to Rhode Island this weekend. It could not have come at a better time. Sometimes it's good to get out of the city. Hartford is draining sometimes...but I love it. We spent most of Friday sightseeing. Saturday we spent a good portion of the day at the beach. It was really nice to be in the sun and be with people. Later we went to a barbeque for a family at Steve's church. It was really cool but kinda hard to be at. It was pretty overwhelming because there were probalby almost 100 people there. We saw fireworks later at a dock in Steve's town. The next morning we went to church. I wish that church was in Hartford haha. This church comes closest so far to what I am looking for. We went out to lunch with some of Steve's friends. I had a really cool conversation with this young married couple. We talked a lot about churches and ministry and what that looks like in our lives. We stayed for their evening service that is focused more towards young adults. It was great. Such a sweet time of worship through the entire service. From the music to the sermon to the announcements God was glorified.
Yesterday we came back to reality. It went okay.
Today on the other hand...not so great. (for me anyway) It was halfway through camp and I was in tears. I can't really explain what happend well enough for it to make sense.
I don't want whoever reads this to think that things are not going well. It's just been a hard few days. It will get better. I believe that God is working in this city. Through these struggles I am learning and I am growing. My love for God and my love for others is increasing. I was very blessed last night to get a phone call from Kate. We talked for about an hour just about things going on in our lives and how God is working in us.
I am so thankful to be here. I am thankful for the community I live in. I am thankful that I have friends here who love me and hold me accountable to things. I am thankful to have the support of friends back home. I am thankful that I get to see the smiling faces of children each day!
I will say that one thing God is showing me is trust. It's humbling when you think that you are fully trusting God with everything in life but then something is revealed that has not been given up to God. I feel like God has also made my heart more sensitive to the needs of others. That my compassion for my coworkers, peers, friends and family is expanding.
For all who read this and who support me, I thank you!
I do have some prayer requests though...
Pray for the relationships between interns and our high school street leaders. There is some obvious tension between us. It's hard. I almost feel like I have a different point of view from some of the others. This has been approached with much negativity and I don't think it's helping the situation. My focus is to form a relationship with them. My focus is to love them and help them in any way possible
Pray for our location. We just got word that the church we are using for our program can no longer have us there. We need a place to meet after this week.
Pray that I may continue to keep Jesus at the center. That I may be continually reminded that I am here not for me but for Jesus!
I feel like I can't even really explain everything that happened in the past week. To go into detail would be difficult because it is a blur. To be honest, last week was hard. Maybe one of the hardest weeks at camp we have had so far.
By Thursday all of us were ready for the weekend. I personally felt defeated and my heart was just really heavy.
I thank God for the little things. The other day this little boy named Micah was really upset. He was sitting on the steps with his head down. Jaheim, one of the other boys in my group, just started to tickle him. Micah couldn't help but to burst out in laughter. Those moments make my day. And being the emotional fountain I am, those moments also bring tears to my eyes.
We went to Rhode Island this weekend. It could not have come at a better time. Sometimes it's good to get out of the city. Hartford is draining sometimes...but I love it. We spent most of Friday sightseeing. Saturday we spent a good portion of the day at the beach. It was really nice to be in the sun and be with people. Later we went to a barbeque for a family at Steve's church. It was really cool but kinda hard to be at. It was pretty overwhelming because there were probalby almost 100 people there. We saw fireworks later at a dock in Steve's town. The next morning we went to church. I wish that church was in Hartford haha. This church comes closest so far to what I am looking for. We went out to lunch with some of Steve's friends. I had a really cool conversation with this young married couple. We talked a lot about churches and ministry and what that looks like in our lives. We stayed for their evening service that is focused more towards young adults. It was great. Such a sweet time of worship through the entire service. From the music to the sermon to the announcements God was glorified.
Yesterday we came back to reality. It went okay.
Today on the other hand...not so great. (for me anyway) It was halfway through camp and I was in tears. I can't really explain what happend well enough for it to make sense.
I don't want whoever reads this to think that things are not going well. It's just been a hard few days. It will get better. I believe that God is working in this city. Through these struggles I am learning and I am growing. My love for God and my love for others is increasing. I was very blessed last night to get a phone call from Kate. We talked for about an hour just about things going on in our lives and how God is working in us.
I am so thankful to be here. I am thankful for the community I live in. I am thankful that I have friends here who love me and hold me accountable to things. I am thankful to have the support of friends back home. I am thankful that I get to see the smiling faces of children each day!
I will say that one thing God is showing me is trust. It's humbling when you think that you are fully trusting God with everything in life but then something is revealed that has not been given up to God. I feel like God has also made my heart more sensitive to the needs of others. That my compassion for my coworkers, peers, friends and family is expanding.
For all who read this and who support me, I thank you!
I do have some prayer requests though...
Pray for the relationships between interns and our high school street leaders. There is some obvious tension between us. It's hard. I almost feel like I have a different point of view from some of the others. This has been approached with much negativity and I don't think it's helping the situation. My focus is to form a relationship with them. My focus is to love them and help them in any way possible
Pray for our location. We just got word that the church we are using for our program can no longer have us there. We need a place to meet after this week.
Pray that I may continue to keep Jesus at the center. That I may be continually reminded that I am here not for me but for Jesus!
Monday, June 29, 2009
time is flying!
I am amazed at how fast this summer is going!
This was a really long week. I feel like a lot happened.
As the days pass, camp becomes a little bit more difficult. We have had some really good days and we have had some really bad days. My heart just breaks for these kids. The way they treat each other is so sad. The way they feel about themselves is just as sad. I will say that it's been great to see a good amount of kids learning and growing. It brings me so much joy to hear them asking questions about God. Even watching them sing our silly camp songs is so great. It is a blessing to be here and teach these children about Jesus!
As long and hard as this week has been...it has also been really great. I interviewed for a job on tuesday and got a phone call that night! After I listened to the voicemail I screamed to the others that I got it. We all celebrated and I cried. The only thing i could do was cry. I had just been offered a job doing what I love(taking care of babies) The job is full time with benefits. A perfect match! At that moment it was clear that God was providing for me what I need to make his calling on this season in my life happen. I prayed for a healthy confidence and the right words for the interviews and God sure did give that to me. I will be starting that after this internship ends.
It's good to be here. It is so different but I am thankful. I am most thankful that I am forming healthy relationships. I am meeting new people and getting out of my comfort zone. I have never felt so free to be who God has created me to be. This is a season of newness and I am ready to embrace it.
I can't wait th live in Hartford after the summer. I can't wait to spend free time meeting neighbors, playing with the kids on the block, and working with HCM as much as possible.
Everyday God teaches me a little bit more about who he is. All I NEED IS JESUS! That is so refreshing!
Please be praying:
I still need to raise about 600 dollars in a month and a half. so you could be praying for that. I also could use prayers for continued confidence in the Lord's plan for this season! I would really apprecicate prayers that I am able to love with the love that Jesus has given me. That through my love people would know Him. Pray for contunued safety and peace in the house. Pray for the peacc of God to rest in my heart! Pray for my team and all of the children at camp!
I'm falling asleep as I type...update later
This was a really long week. I feel like a lot happened.
As the days pass, camp becomes a little bit more difficult. We have had some really good days and we have had some really bad days. My heart just breaks for these kids. The way they treat each other is so sad. The way they feel about themselves is just as sad. I will say that it's been great to see a good amount of kids learning and growing. It brings me so much joy to hear them asking questions about God. Even watching them sing our silly camp songs is so great. It is a blessing to be here and teach these children about Jesus!
As long and hard as this week has been...it has also been really great. I interviewed for a job on tuesday and got a phone call that night! After I listened to the voicemail I screamed to the others that I got it. We all celebrated and I cried. The only thing i could do was cry. I had just been offered a job doing what I love(taking care of babies) The job is full time with benefits. A perfect match! At that moment it was clear that God was providing for me what I need to make his calling on this season in my life happen. I prayed for a healthy confidence and the right words for the interviews and God sure did give that to me. I will be starting that after this internship ends.
It's good to be here. It is so different but I am thankful. I am most thankful that I am forming healthy relationships. I am meeting new people and getting out of my comfort zone. I have never felt so free to be who God has created me to be. This is a season of newness and I am ready to embrace it.
I can't wait th live in Hartford after the summer. I can't wait to spend free time meeting neighbors, playing with the kids on the block, and working with HCM as much as possible.
Everyday God teaches me a little bit more about who he is. All I NEED IS JESUS! That is so refreshing!
Please be praying:
I still need to raise about 600 dollars in a month and a half. so you could be praying for that. I also could use prayers for continued confidence in the Lord's plan for this season! I would really apprecicate prayers that I am able to love with the love that Jesus has given me. That through my love people would know Him. Pray for contunued safety and peace in the house. Pray for the peacc of God to rest in my heart! Pray for my team and all of the children at camp!
I'm falling asleep as I type...update later
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Whatever's in front of me Help me to sing hallelujah
Week 1 of camp is done and tomorrow we start week 2. Camp is going great...but it is really challenging. It's so evident that these children need Jesus. Our mission is to show them who Jesus really is. We are here to love and care for them. We are here to teach them what it means to live a life that represents Christ. I love the curriculum that we are using because I feel like it doesn't sugar coat the gospel but it reveals it in a true way that children will understand. Maybe it's not the curriculum but Amy( my director) who explains things so well. I love working with her.
I have the youngest group of children. I have all of the 6 and 7 year olds. Let me tell you they are precious. It's not an easy task though to keep 9 of them under control. A few of them just break my heart with how upset they get with things. I feel like God has blessed me with a compassionate heart towards these children. And I really only know compassion because Jesus had compassion on me. Some of the interns have groups that are pretty difficult. Cara and Brittany have the older kids. Their groups have children who are really angry and unhappy. Pray for them please. It's really hard to watch the kids get so angry. It's really hard to see the beginnings of violent outbursts in them.
Aside from camp, things here are really good. I am getting to know the other interns and other people involved with HCM. We have dinner every Tuesday at a new home every week. This is one way we are getting to know the people on a deeper level who have been involved. Each week has been a blessing. To share a meal with people who are just as passionate for this ministry always makes for good conversation.
I am starting the job search and have already had some postitive feedback. Cara, Brittany, and I really want to remain in Hartford. There are a few options to where we could live. The idea of settling in here is growning a little more exciting but a little more scary as well. And as homesick as I get sometimes God just works a little bit more and reminds me of the new relationships and the new opportunities He has made for me here.
This week I was reminded of what it means for me to be deeply in love with Jesus. With every devotion and bible study it seemed like a reoccuring theme. The idea of coming back to Jesus and making sure that He is our identity was the focus of the sermon at church today. At thursday night bible study we talked about intamacy and had an extended time of personal time with God. It was so needed. It's so easy to get wrapped up in ministry and group studies and devotions and not take enough time with just us and God.
It has been great talking and catching up with some friends in San Diego a little bit this week. Being able to talk to Shawn today was great. I will say that some parts I had to laugh through my tears. Although we all have unity in Jesus...distance is hard. But i feel like I'm doing better with this part of my life :)
I know this is long but I have a few prayer requests.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
I have the youngest group of children. I have all of the 6 and 7 year olds. Let me tell you they are precious. It's not an easy task though to keep 9 of them under control. A few of them just break my heart with how upset they get with things. I feel like God has blessed me with a compassionate heart towards these children. And I really only know compassion because Jesus had compassion on me. Some of the interns have groups that are pretty difficult. Cara and Brittany have the older kids. Their groups have children who are really angry and unhappy. Pray for them please. It's really hard to watch the kids get so angry. It's really hard to see the beginnings of violent outbursts in them.
Aside from camp, things here are really good. I am getting to know the other interns and other people involved with HCM. We have dinner every Tuesday at a new home every week. This is one way we are getting to know the people on a deeper level who have been involved. Each week has been a blessing. To share a meal with people who are just as passionate for this ministry always makes for good conversation.
I am starting the job search and have already had some postitive feedback. Cara, Brittany, and I really want to remain in Hartford. There are a few options to where we could live. The idea of settling in here is growning a little more exciting but a little more scary as well. And as homesick as I get sometimes God just works a little bit more and reminds me of the new relationships and the new opportunities He has made for me here.
This week I was reminded of what it means for me to be deeply in love with Jesus. With every devotion and bible study it seemed like a reoccuring theme. The idea of coming back to Jesus and making sure that He is our identity was the focus of the sermon at church today. At thursday night bible study we talked about intamacy and had an extended time of personal time with God. It was so needed. It's so easy to get wrapped up in ministry and group studies and devotions and not take enough time with just us and God.
It has been great talking and catching up with some friends in San Diego a little bit this week. Being able to talk to Shawn today was great. I will say that some parts I had to laugh through my tears. Although we all have unity in Jesus...distance is hard. But i feel like I'm doing better with this part of my life :)
I know this is long but I have a few prayer requests.
- Please pray for camp. That these kids just come to know Christ. Pray that we will be obedient to God's purpose for us here.
- Pray for our saftey- last night we all woke up to the sound of gunshots. They sounded pretty close and a few of us were pretty frightened. I was unable to sleep well the rest of the night.
- To go with the request above please pray for the safety of the people in this community. Pray for peace and restoration in the hearts of those in the community.
- Pray for my job search and the prep needed for life after summer.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The shadow proves the sunshine
This has been such a great weekend. Saturday we woke up early and went on a kayaking adventure. The weather was supposed to be pretty bad but ended up super nice. We were out on the lake for about 4 hours. It was so beautiful. I was reminded once again to how much God loves us by being in His creation! I wish I could describe to you how pretty it was out there. For the last hour on the lake we just hung out without paddling and talked. It was great. We went to Karl's house (Brittany's boyfriend) for dinner. It was such a good time of fellowship. We listened to David Crowder on the way home. Car worship is great! :) On the way to the lake we went to Goshen and Canaan and of course we all had fun with that! These are all details that you guys probably don't really care about but this blog is also for me to remember things haha :)
This morning we did our cleaning and grocrey shopping for the week. Trader Joes :) A little taste of San Diego I have missed! We went to church at Glory Chapel today. The service was at 3pm. Not that weird considering the old 9pm Flood service. Once again, I don't think this is the church for me. Finding a church is never easy but it sure is interesting to check out new ones. Me and Cara left with a headache. It was very loud. The preacher yelled into the microphone the whole time. I don't think I have heard anyone say "amen" that much in my life haha! His message was on Job. He said some really good things. I really like how he emphasized that no matter what we already have victory (through Christ) That because of the cross we already have victory over death and the devil. It was nice to walk to church. It was also pretty cool being at a church where we fit in. It is probably one of the most multicultural churches in the North end. I feel like everyone was there to worship the living God...that it wasn't just routine. For the most part I felt pretty comfortable aside from some differing views and practices.
The evening was great. Cara and I spent most of the evening on the porch with some kids and younglifers! It was great to relax and talk. I really like Cara. I am glad we are roommates:) When we went inside we continued to hang out and talk and share more of our lives with each other. We eventually got super silly and it was a lot of fun. And natural feeling. I am really settling in here and I love it! Speaking of that...Brittany, Cara, and I really desire to stay here in the house or somewhere close after the summer. God is really showing us a lot through this community. Please be praying for this:)
Camp starts tomorrow...technically today haha. I get the little ones again this year! We are the Open Ocean Explorers! Please be praying for us and the children. We really want to show them who Jesus is this summer.
I have one more prayer request. I have been having a hard time with missing home. I am mostly missing my friends. I have had a few conversations with some friends this week that have been pretty difficult. I am going to be honest and say that I thought I would be talking to some of you more. I am sad we don't...but it's okay. We are all busy. I know it's harder to be involved in your lives and that was one of my biggest fears. I was afraid that as strong as our friendships are that they may slowly fade. It kills me to think that. So just please pray for my heart in that. That I would find pure joy in the place God has me and with the people he has placed in my life. Please pray that I would find comfort in His embrace when I feel lonely and afraid.
If I can be praying for you guys in any way...let me know! love you friends!
I need to get to bed...
Julie
This morning we did our cleaning and grocrey shopping for the week. Trader Joes :) A little taste of San Diego I have missed! We went to church at Glory Chapel today. The service was at 3pm. Not that weird considering the old 9pm Flood service. Once again, I don't think this is the church for me. Finding a church is never easy but it sure is interesting to check out new ones. Me and Cara left with a headache. It was very loud. The preacher yelled into the microphone the whole time. I don't think I have heard anyone say "amen" that much in my life haha! His message was on Job. He said some really good things. I really like how he emphasized that no matter what we already have victory (through Christ) That because of the cross we already have victory over death and the devil. It was nice to walk to church. It was also pretty cool being at a church where we fit in. It is probably one of the most multicultural churches in the North end. I feel like everyone was there to worship the living God...that it wasn't just routine. For the most part I felt pretty comfortable aside from some differing views and practices.
The evening was great. Cara and I spent most of the evening on the porch with some kids and younglifers! It was great to relax and talk. I really like Cara. I am glad we are roommates:) When we went inside we continued to hang out and talk and share more of our lives with each other. We eventually got super silly and it was a lot of fun. And natural feeling. I am really settling in here and I love it! Speaking of that...Brittany, Cara, and I really desire to stay here in the house or somewhere close after the summer. God is really showing us a lot through this community. Please be praying for this:)
Camp starts tomorrow...technically today haha. I get the little ones again this year! We are the Open Ocean Explorers! Please be praying for us and the children. We really want to show them who Jesus is this summer.
I have one more prayer request. I have been having a hard time with missing home. I am mostly missing my friends. I have had a few conversations with some friends this week that have been pretty difficult. I am going to be honest and say that I thought I would be talking to some of you more. I am sad we don't...but it's okay. We are all busy. I know it's harder to be involved in your lives and that was one of my biggest fears. I was afraid that as strong as our friendships are that they may slowly fade. It kills me to think that. So just please pray for my heart in that. That I would find pure joy in the place God has me and with the people he has placed in my life. Please pray that I would find comfort in His embrace when I feel lonely and afraid.
If I can be praying for you guys in any way...let me know! love you friends!
I need to get to bed...
Julie
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Today is a new day...
It was one of those mornings where you stay in bed as long as possible. It was cold and raining and a little gloomy. The alarm went off several times and I ignored it. I got out of bed and laughed when I looked in the mirror. I went to bed with wet hair...not a good idea. It was one of those mornings where you don't care what you look like. I walked to the kitchen. Coffee or Breakfast? The choice was easy. It was one of those mornings where you only need caffeine to function.
We read Habbakuk and discussed God's sovereignty. It's so freeing to be reminded of God's plan and provision for our lives. The reminder to wait patiently for His will to be done is a humbling moment. To also be reminded that He is the one who makes us strong is a very sweet conviction!
We got a lot done today. I feel pretty productive. We are making progress on camp stuff for next week. We have more kids signed up than we thought we would. I really feel like this summer is going to be great. Please pray that we can show Jesus to the children this summer. The life of Jesus is our focus in this summers curriculum.
I am still praying that God would provide the rest of my support. I ask that you please pray for that for me...also that I would remain patient and trusting.
I am so happy to be here :)
Habbakuk 3:18-19
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.
We read Habbakuk and discussed God's sovereignty. It's so freeing to be reminded of God's plan and provision for our lives. The reminder to wait patiently for His will to be done is a humbling moment. To also be reminded that He is the one who makes us strong is a very sweet conviction!
We got a lot done today. I feel pretty productive. We are making progress on camp stuff for next week. We have more kids signed up than we thought we would. I really feel like this summer is going to be great. Please pray that we can show Jesus to the children this summer. The life of Jesus is our focus in this summers curriculum.
I am still praying that God would provide the rest of my support. I ask that you please pray for that for me...also that I would remain patient and trusting.
I am so happy to be here :)
Habbakuk 3:18-19
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Fundraising
Hey friends!
So I woke up this morning and as I woke up God spoke to me. He said "Trust me more"
It's hard to explain that exact moment but it was really good. I was excited and ready.
Later tonight I got a fundraising update. My mom's friend who was going to give a pretty significant amount (about as much as I need to finish) can no longer do so. God works quickly and called me to trust Him.
I trust that God will provide. If you feel like you want to help support me in anyway I would really appreciate it. Prayer is most important. That is what I need the most.
I also need about 600 dollars to finish this fundraising. If you feel led to support me financially you can send a check with my name in the memo line to:
Hartford City Mission
P.O. Box 320397
Hartford, CT 06132
Daily God is showing me things. And I am so grateful for His provision and love.
So I woke up this morning and as I woke up God spoke to me. He said "Trust me more"
It's hard to explain that exact moment but it was really good. I was excited and ready.
Later tonight I got a fundraising update. My mom's friend who was going to give a pretty significant amount (about as much as I need to finish) can no longer do so. God works quickly and called me to trust Him.
I trust that God will provide. If you feel like you want to help support me in anyway I would really appreciate it. Prayer is most important. That is what I need the most.
I also need about 600 dollars to finish this fundraising. If you feel led to support me financially you can send a check with my name in the memo line to:
Hartford City Mission
P.O. Box 320397
Hartford, CT 06132
Daily God is showing me things. And I am so grateful for His provision and love.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
End of the first week
Week one in Hartford is over.
This update is going to be a little bit less detailed than others.
Thursday we met with Chris from the Catholic Worker (an organization kinda like ours) It was a really good meeting . It was difficult to listen to though. He gave us a lot of History about the city and he also gave us some current statistics:
We then took a tour of the city and those statistics became very real during the tour.
We worked with the after school program on Thursday and Friday. It was great. I am so excited to work with the kids this summer. I am so excited to see how God is going to work in their lives.
Thursday we met with Butch, a resident of Hartford who helped start the Connecticut chapter of the Black Panthers. He gave us a history lesson about Hartford in the 60's and 7o's. It was so interesting to hear it from his perspective.
Friday we had our first YoungLife. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to get to know the students even more. I got to see some of the street leaders I worked with last summer and that was great. I am so excited to reconnect and be in their lives!
We get weekends off this summer so we were finally able to slow down and rest. We went up a really cool mountain yesterday(probably the equivalent to Cowles in SD only much prettier) It was beautiful! It is considered Connecticut's most scenic hike and view at the top. Today I officially started the church searching process. We all went to this baptist church in Bloomfield. From first impression I don't think it's the church for me but I wouldn't be opposed to checking it out again. We then went to Enders forest and hiked along this great trail in a foresty and rocky waterfall area. It was beautiful. All I could do was reflect on the beauty of God!
God is working in me. I was struggling this morning. I don't really know why but I woke up feeling really weird. Hard to explain but as I was walking into church I was convicted to change. I prayed for a while during worship. I find comfort in His presence. He has been revealing to me that sometimes I am more of the problem(whatever it may be conflict fear ect) than I think I am. Not to get down on myself or anything but I have more responsibility for my feelings than I think I do sometimes. I'm not sure if that makes sense. It's kinda hard to explain. This is all so good though. I am thankful that He is active. I am thankful that I am building healthy relationships with new people.
Prayer requests: I am feeling homesick. well friendsick I guess. I really miss everyone a lot. Although it's a lot easier than I expected it to be, I am still really missing you my friends back in San Diego. Hearing about exciting things make me really happy for you guys but bummed out that I can't be there to celebrate with you!!! So you could just pray that God works in my heart to make me content with this situation...that change is not easy but it is good. Pray that the new friends I am making will become a great community. Please pray for unity in the house. There are not really any problems in this area but it's always a good thing to pray for. Pray for God to continue to reveal truth!
I should be getting to bed now. I'll check in later this week!
This update is going to be a little bit less detailed than others.
Thursday we met with Chris from the Catholic Worker (an organization kinda like ours) It was a really good meeting . It was difficult to listen to though. He gave us a lot of History about the city and he also gave us some current statistics:
- connecticut is the richest state.
- hartford is the 6th poorest city, not because it’s doing better, but because others are doing worse.
- more girls have babies here than kids who graduate high school
- the north end has a median annual income of $6000, that’s half of the national poverty level
- home ownership rates are the lowest they’ve ever been, <10%
- 1/2 of the population can read at the first grade level
- every child knows someone who has been shot/murdered
- unemployment rate is high, and very few are gainfully employed
- 1/3 african american, 1/3 caribbean, 1/3 puerto rican. <>
We worked with the after school program on Thursday and Friday. It was great. I am so excited to work with the kids this summer. I am so excited to see how God is going to work in their lives.
Thursday we met with Butch, a resident of Hartford who helped start the Connecticut chapter of the Black Panthers. He gave us a history lesson about Hartford in the 60's and 7o's. It was so interesting to hear it from his perspective.
Friday we had our first YoungLife. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to get to know the students even more. I got to see some of the street leaders I worked with last summer and that was great. I am so excited to reconnect and be in their lives!
We get weekends off this summer so we were finally able to slow down and rest. We went up a really cool mountain yesterday(probably the equivalent to Cowles in SD only much prettier) It was beautiful! It is considered Connecticut's most scenic hike and view at the top. Today I officially started the church searching process. We all went to this baptist church in Bloomfield. From first impression I don't think it's the church for me but I wouldn't be opposed to checking it out again. We then went to Enders forest and hiked along this great trail in a foresty and rocky waterfall area. It was beautiful. All I could do was reflect on the beauty of God!
God is working in me. I was struggling this morning. I don't really know why but I woke up feeling really weird. Hard to explain but as I was walking into church I was convicted to change. I prayed for a while during worship. I find comfort in His presence. He has been revealing to me that sometimes I am more of the problem(whatever it may be conflict fear ect) than I think I am. Not to get down on myself or anything but I have more responsibility for my feelings than I think I do sometimes. I'm not sure if that makes sense. It's kinda hard to explain. This is all so good though. I am thankful that He is active. I am thankful that I am building healthy relationships with new people.
Prayer requests: I am feeling homesick. well friendsick I guess. I really miss everyone a lot. Although it's a lot easier than I expected it to be, I am still really missing you my friends back in San Diego. Hearing about exciting things make me really happy for you guys but bummed out that I can't be there to celebrate with you!!! So you could just pray that God works in my heart to make me content with this situation...that change is not easy but it is good. Pray that the new friends I am making will become a great community. Please pray for unity in the house. There are not really any problems in this area but it's always a good thing to pray for. Pray for God to continue to reveal truth!
I should be getting to bed now. I'll check in later this week!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Intern Getaway
Let me just start this off by saying everything is going great here. God is working in our house and preparing it for the summer!
These past few days we went to a Camp Wonpaset which is about an hour away in Litchfield. The camp is in the renovation process. It went bankrupt in 97 and has really fallen apart since then. So we went there as a team to bond and to serve by helping in those renovations. It was a really beautiful place. There was so many trees and a huge lake. I could have done without the mosquitoes and other random bugs but it's okay. This camp for a lot of us was out of our comfort zone. Just because it was cold and the cabins we were in were pretty gross( cob webs everywhere and bunk beds that were falling apart and super dusty) The only running water was for the toilets. Needless to say, none of us showered. Although it was not what we were used to, the beauty of the nature around us was so worth it.
Those few days were really big for us as a team and individually. For me the biggest moment was probably the first day. Howard(the camp director) was telling us what our task for the next two days would be. Cleaning and painting a cabin, trash clean up and roofing a house. WHAT?! When I found out that I had to climb up a ladder and hang out on a roof for hours applying shingles...I was not excited. As unexcited as I was, I climbed up shaky and afraid. So there I was sitting paralyzed by fear waiting for more direction. I was thinking a lot and trying not to be fearful. Then it hit me like a bus! I thought to myself "I will not let this fear defeat me!" I took a deep breath and stood up. I walked over to get the shingles and a hammer and start the job that was given to us. It felt good to give up that fear. I knew, with the stregnth of God, I could be on that roof. What a freeing feeling!
The bonding parts of the weekend were also really great. We played some games and had our meals together. Last night we gave our life stories. That was so good! I see so much hope and beauty in the stories of this team. I am encouraged by the work God has done in all of our lives up to this point. I am confident that He will continue to work in and through us this summer. I was really pleased with the vulnerablity of the other interns. I too was able to share about things that up until a few weeks ago I was scared to admit to myself out loud. As we sat around the fire and shared about our lives, God was near. We prayed together after and during prayer I had such peace that this summer, this new adventure is right.
Today was our last day at the camp and we had another time of group prayer which was great. We prayed about everything to do with HCM basically. Amy told us that they( Rex, Amy, Russell and a few others) have been praying for months a few days a week. They have been praying for the ministry but they have also been praying for each of us as a team and individually. I just thought that was really humbling.
Tonight we went to Scott and Rebecca's house for dinner. They are extremely involved with HCM and Scott is on the board. It was such a good time of fellowship. I am blessed so much. I have been away from San Diego almost 2 weeks and it has flown by. And honestly it is a lot easier than I thought it would be. I do miss you all so much. There are times where I just want to be back at home with you guys but I know that's not what God wants for me right now. Maybe someday. My desire is to be obedient and faithful and I want to do that in Hartford :)
1 Peter 4:7-11
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
This is our key verse for the summer. I have been reflecting and praying about these things. As a prayer request you could be praying that I would really let this sink into my heart and live this way. I am so excited to serve and love this community. I can't wait to use the gifts that God has blessed me with. I do think It's interesting that this section is started with the direction to be self controlled and clear minded. So that would be my main prayer request and that is my main focus this next week. What does that look like? And how?
I love you all! Praying for you!
These past few days we went to a Camp Wonpaset which is about an hour away in Litchfield. The camp is in the renovation process. It went bankrupt in 97 and has really fallen apart since then. So we went there as a team to bond and to serve by helping in those renovations. It was a really beautiful place. There was so many trees and a huge lake. I could have done without the mosquitoes and other random bugs but it's okay. This camp for a lot of us was out of our comfort zone. Just because it was cold and the cabins we were in were pretty gross( cob webs everywhere and bunk beds that were falling apart and super dusty) The only running water was for the toilets. Needless to say, none of us showered. Although it was not what we were used to, the beauty of the nature around us was so worth it.
Those few days were really big for us as a team and individually. For me the biggest moment was probably the first day. Howard(the camp director) was telling us what our task for the next two days would be. Cleaning and painting a cabin, trash clean up and roofing a house. WHAT?! When I found out that I had to climb up a ladder and hang out on a roof for hours applying shingles...I was not excited. As unexcited as I was, I climbed up shaky and afraid. So there I was sitting paralyzed by fear waiting for more direction. I was thinking a lot and trying not to be fearful. Then it hit me like a bus! I thought to myself "I will not let this fear defeat me!" I took a deep breath and stood up. I walked over to get the shingles and a hammer and start the job that was given to us. It felt good to give up that fear. I knew, with the stregnth of God, I could be on that roof. What a freeing feeling!
The bonding parts of the weekend were also really great. We played some games and had our meals together. Last night we gave our life stories. That was so good! I see so much hope and beauty in the stories of this team. I am encouraged by the work God has done in all of our lives up to this point. I am confident that He will continue to work in and through us this summer. I was really pleased with the vulnerablity of the other interns. I too was able to share about things that up until a few weeks ago I was scared to admit to myself out loud. As we sat around the fire and shared about our lives, God was near. We prayed together after and during prayer I had such peace that this summer, this new adventure is right.
Today was our last day at the camp and we had another time of group prayer which was great. We prayed about everything to do with HCM basically. Amy told us that they( Rex, Amy, Russell and a few others) have been praying for months a few days a week. They have been praying for the ministry but they have also been praying for each of us as a team and individually. I just thought that was really humbling.
Tonight we went to Scott and Rebecca's house for dinner. They are extremely involved with HCM and Scott is on the board. It was such a good time of fellowship. I am blessed so much. I have been away from San Diego almost 2 weeks and it has flown by. And honestly it is a lot easier than I thought it would be. I do miss you all so much. There are times where I just want to be back at home with you guys but I know that's not what God wants for me right now. Maybe someday. My desire is to be obedient and faithful and I want to do that in Hartford :)
1 Peter 4:7-11
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
This is our key verse for the summer. I have been reflecting and praying about these things. As a prayer request you could be praying that I would really let this sink into my heart and live this way. I am so excited to serve and love this community. I can't wait to use the gifts that God has blessed me with. I do think It's interesting that this section is started with the direction to be self controlled and clear minded. So that would be my main prayer request and that is my main focus this next week. What does that look like? And how?
I love you all! Praying for you!
Monday, June 1, 2009
First day
I woke up this morning and drove to church. While driving and as I walked into the building I had a moment where I realized and thought "wow this is where I live, this is my new life" And though it was a really big moment, it felt right. The sermon this morning was pretty good. It was all about loving God and loving others. Fitting for this summer, fitting for life :)
I went out to lunch and had coffee with Patti. (One of last years interns) That was great. We connected really well. It was great to hear her thoughts and about her life.
I left straight from there to get to Hartford. Driving into the city was exciting! I walked in the door and was greeted with a friendly hug and smile from Amy. Amy is our boss and camp director. The other interns started showing up and joy filled the house. Cara, my roommate showed up first. She is great! I can tell I am really going to enjoy working with her. Steve and Brittany( from last summer) showed up next. That was exciting! Alyssa was next to show up. We got all settled in and I really feel like I was already able to bond with Cara!
HCM put a huge dinner on for us. We ate good food and got to know each other a bit better. It was good to see everyone from last summer again! Rex, a board member and one of the guys who lives upstairs, shared with us a passage in Hebrews 5 about Jesus' time on earth. That in His time here He learned obedience through suffering. Rex shared with us that we will do the same this summer. We may not directly endure suffering but we will no doubt witness and live within the suffering of the community.We will meet children this summer who have suffered and that will not be east. This summer will be challenging, but we will grow. Russell challenged us to seek to find Jesus in other people. Our mission is to be like Christ but to be able to see Christ in other people is huge.
Tomorrow we leave for a few days to work at a camp a few hours away. We will be doing some service projects and some intern bonding time. That will be great!
Please pray that God would give us the eyes to see Him in this community. That we would be able to serve each other. That we would love each other with the love described in 1 John! Please pray for unity.
God is so good! He is alive in working in all of us.
I went out to lunch and had coffee with Patti. (One of last years interns) That was great. We connected really well. It was great to hear her thoughts and about her life.
I left straight from there to get to Hartford. Driving into the city was exciting! I walked in the door and was greeted with a friendly hug and smile from Amy. Amy is our boss and camp director. The other interns started showing up and joy filled the house. Cara, my roommate showed up first. She is great! I can tell I am really going to enjoy working with her. Steve and Brittany( from last summer) showed up next. That was exciting! Alyssa was next to show up. We got all settled in and I really feel like I was already able to bond with Cara!
HCM put a huge dinner on for us. We ate good food and got to know each other a bit better. It was good to see everyone from last summer again! Rex, a board member and one of the guys who lives upstairs, shared with us a passage in Hebrews 5 about Jesus' time on earth. That in His time here He learned obedience through suffering. Rex shared with us that we will do the same this summer. We may not directly endure suffering but we will no doubt witness and live within the suffering of the community.We will meet children this summer who have suffered and that will not be east. This summer will be challenging, but we will grow. Russell challenged us to seek to find Jesus in other people. Our mission is to be like Christ but to be able to see Christ in other people is huge.
Tomorrow we leave for a few days to work at a camp a few hours away. We will be doing some service projects and some intern bonding time. That will be great!
Please pray that God would give us the eyes to see Him in this community. That we would be able to serve each other. That we would love each other with the love described in 1 John! Please pray for unity.
God is so good! He is alive in working in all of us.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Here I am...
Hello friends and family!
As most of you know I spent last summer in the northend of Hartford, CT. The northend happens to be one of the poorest cities in America. During my time their I worked with children in the city. I was a summer intern with Hartford City Mission. Our job was to help run the summer day camp, Camp NOAH. It was such a huge growing experience. I learned so much about God's love. Because of that love, I was able to love the children, other interns, my boss, and people I met along the journey.
If you really know me, you would know that my time in Hartford changed my life. The whole past year in San Diego I wanted to be in Hartford so much! I felt that God was calling me to go and though I wanted to, I was scared to make that leap of faith again. As much as I loved it, was I ready to go back? Could I really leave my friends longer than a summer? What If I failed? As silly as those questions sound to me now, I realize that I had a lot of growing to do.
It wasn't until this past winter at a cabin in Montana that I actually realized that I needed to be in Hartford! I wondered what my purpose was going on that trip to Montana. To be honest part of the reason I was there was to get away from San Diego...from the same routine I did over and over again. I had a "good" job. I had amazing friends. I was involved in different ministries. I was growing in my relationship with Jesus. But something was missing. So there I was, talking about Hartford and it hit me...GO! I learned a lot on that trip but the most valuable was to trust God and go. From that moment on I had my decision made.
It's been almost 7 months from that night and it has been a long (but short) 7 months. Many things happened and changed. All things that caused me to trust God more and more. Events and circumstances that caused me to to have a faith that doesn't waver in trials and persecution.
So last friday,I left for my journey to Hartford. After many tearful goodbyes we got in the car and pulled out of the driveway. We made the first left turn and it was over. The many friends who came to see me off slowly disappeared from my rear view mirror.
It's been a week since I left home. I will say that the road trip went well. We didn't have any crazy experiences or anything. It was a lot of quiet. It was a lot of thinking. And I'm not going to lie, it was hard.(but so good) I miss you all so much already. What makes this easy, what makes this joyful, is that we are all united in Christ. We may not live in the same city but we are all alive in Christ and have that in common. Thank you all for your love, prayers and support!
I start the internship tomorrow! Yesterday I was able to help out with the NOAH afterschool program.As I drove into the city I knew I was right where I wanted to be and right where God wanted me to be! I saw a few kids from last summer and one of last years street leaders! It was so great. The looks on their face when they saw me gave me so much joy. It was great to jump back in! This is going to be a great summer :)
I know this is long but I have one more thing to share with you! There is one thing I learned during this year long journey that I pray I will never forget and that I pray you who read this will take to heart! As long as you love and trust God you will never fail! Don't be afraid! Jesus is always with you!
As most of you know I spent last summer in the northend of Hartford, CT. The northend happens to be one of the poorest cities in America. During my time their I worked with children in the city. I was a summer intern with Hartford City Mission. Our job was to help run the summer day camp, Camp NOAH. It was such a huge growing experience. I learned so much about God's love. Because of that love, I was able to love the children, other interns, my boss, and people I met along the journey.
If you really know me, you would know that my time in Hartford changed my life. The whole past year in San Diego I wanted to be in Hartford so much! I felt that God was calling me to go and though I wanted to, I was scared to make that leap of faith again. As much as I loved it, was I ready to go back? Could I really leave my friends longer than a summer? What If I failed? As silly as those questions sound to me now, I realize that I had a lot of growing to do.
It wasn't until this past winter at a cabin in Montana that I actually realized that I needed to be in Hartford! I wondered what my purpose was going on that trip to Montana. To be honest part of the reason I was there was to get away from San Diego...from the same routine I did over and over again. I had a "good" job. I had amazing friends. I was involved in different ministries. I was growing in my relationship with Jesus. But something was missing. So there I was, talking about Hartford and it hit me...GO! I learned a lot on that trip but the most valuable was to trust God and go. From that moment on I had my decision made.
It's been almost 7 months from that night and it has been a long (but short) 7 months. Many things happened and changed. All things that caused me to trust God more and more. Events and circumstances that caused me to to have a faith that doesn't waver in trials and persecution.
So last friday,I left for my journey to Hartford. After many tearful goodbyes we got in the car and pulled out of the driveway. We made the first left turn and it was over. The many friends who came to see me off slowly disappeared from my rear view mirror.
It's been a week since I left home. I will say that the road trip went well. We didn't have any crazy experiences or anything. It was a lot of quiet. It was a lot of thinking. And I'm not going to lie, it was hard.(but so good) I miss you all so much already. What makes this easy, what makes this joyful, is that we are all united in Christ. We may not live in the same city but we are all alive in Christ and have that in common. Thank you all for your love, prayers and support!
I start the internship tomorrow! Yesterday I was able to help out with the NOAH afterschool program.As I drove into the city I knew I was right where I wanted to be and right where God wanted me to be! I saw a few kids from last summer and one of last years street leaders! It was so great. The looks on their face when they saw me gave me so much joy. It was great to jump back in! This is going to be a great summer :)
I know this is long but I have one more thing to share with you! There is one thing I learned during this year long journey that I pray I will never forget and that I pray you who read this will take to heart! As long as you love and trust God you will never fail! Don't be afraid! Jesus is always with you!
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