Oh how he loves us...

I should update this more often because whenever I want to there has been so much that has happened in between the last time I posted and this time.

I started my new job. I work as a toddler teacher. I work 40 hours a week from the hours 9:30-6:30. I am usually exhausted. It is draining yet rewarding. All of the people I work with are really nice. People take me seriously. I like that :)  The one bad thing about this job is that I am not able to serve in ministry as much as I would like to.

and now this is where I am going to express some heavier stuff


Things are not working out in Hartford like I thought they would. It's funny how we have our own plans and our own agendas and we actually think they will work out perfectly. What I am learning is that God is so much bigger than our plans. His plans are so much bigger than ours. I am really starting to think that he brought me to Hartford to do more than serve with Hartford City Mission. -Yes that ministry is great and I am so passionate about the work that we do and I still want to be involved as much as possible. What i am trying to say that He is definitely calling me into other things...I am not so sure what those are yet.

I am also learning a lot about community. I was honestly feeling so so so down a few weeks ago. I felt as if I had not found that true community that I so desire. Because of that I was so empty. I have so missed engaging in genuine relationship with other Christians. I missed engaging with God through community. I love hearing about other peoples faith experiences, getting to know other peoples stories, studying scripture with my best friends, and learning more about God through fellowship with other people. Well I was having a conversation with a pretty new but good friend about this very thing. He was very affirming and very generous and careful with his words. I was getting pretty vulnerable and for the first time in a while and it felt so safe. A lot more came out of that conversation that I am still processing and still considering. I do want to say that for the first time in so long I feel the bond of community that I have been missing. I feel loved, actually I know that I am. It's a really sweet feeling.


Out of that conversation I mentioned above, I have realized that there are plenty of things that I need to work through. I am fearful of that because I know that it will be extremely uncomfortable and at times painful. Jesus is the only person who can heal me of these things but I am wondering if I need a little help in that process. I have been feeling the need for some spiritual guidance. And right now I need to be praying about what form of that would be best. (mentor, Christian counselor...) please pray with me.


I am in New Mexico right now visiting my family for  Christmas. I was so excited to come. I was so excited to see my sister because our conversations over the phone were so good recently. That excitement ended all too quickly. I was silly to think that everything would change and there would be generosity and love flowing at this family gathering. I have spent most of the time silent because I am tired of upsetting her or saying something that she will debate me with. I try to speak up and stand up for myself but the all to familiar past way of dealing with conflict comes rushing back. Mom says not to worry about it. But it's hard not to worry about. But I am reminded that without Jesus there is not going to be true generosity and love. It's just more of a reminder that Jesus is the only one who loves us perfectly. He is the only one who is good to us. So as I mourn over a broken relationship, Jesus is there offering me His perfect relationship. That is refreshing. :) That makes me feel free. As much as I may disappoint someone Jesus offers his forgiveness.


Okay, that's enough. haha. I am not going to add any prayer requests this time. Just because if you read this you should know what to pray for.


PS. I met someone (a guy) who makes my heart kinda melt a little ;) I am praying for God's will. I am also praying that I could protect my heart, but not put up a wall around it.



Another PS I am surviving the snow...It's beautiful and is revealing more of God's creativity to me!

Love you all!