In John 10:10 Jesus explains that the enemy wants to steal, destroy and kill. The next thing Jesus says is one of the most powerful statements in scripture (In my opinion at least) He says that he has come so we can not only live, but live abundantly! While Satan seeks to kill, Jesus breathes life into us!
I came to Hartford 10 months ago. I was called to love and serve the community of Hartford, specifically the Northend. I had this vision that I would form all these great relationships with the children and find a great church in the city and work for something other than a day care. When all of these things were not really working out I became fearful. I lacked the trust in God that I had at the start of my journey here. I began to doubt God's call on my life. I longed to return back home where things would be much easier (or I imagined they would be) In these moments I think the enemy was using these thoughts and doubts to steal and destroy. I honestly felt defeated for several months.
Since the last time I wrote in December so much has happened! The community of people at my church that I talked about has since fallen apart. I guess that may be too dramatic. What I should say is a lot of changes happened in peoples lives causing certain weekly events to end. Now, the only time I really see my friends from church is Sundays or random occasions. I also moved out of The Vine into an apartment several minutes away. God provided new community! It was a hard decision but a good one. I moved in with two other girls who share a very similar passion for Hartford. It is going so good. I was feeling very sad at the lack of girl friends I had in my life. In San Diego, I had some really close girl friends which made me feel at home. And although San Diego was always home to me, once my parents left it was hard to know what home was. But now that I am in this new place I feel more at home than I have in so long! My heart for the city has grown so much. After driving through at dusk the other night I could not help but be in tears! I felt like God showed me how He sees Hartford! After seeing a younglife students baby for the first time my heart melted with more love than I thought I had. I
I am so encouraged by the work God has been doing in me in the past month or so. I'm not sure what shifted but I am learning what it is to be free in Christ. I thought I knew what it looked like before but I was so wrong. I am convinced that one of the reasons God called me to Hartford was to learn what freedom is. He called me to live 3000 miles away from home to enter into a deeper relationship with Him! What? Couldn't He have just let me stay? NO! There were too many distractions. I was too comfortable there. There were too many people that I was seeking to please. There were unhealthy relationships. So what did God do? He knew my desires and heart for Hartford and He sent me here to live. To live life abundantly.
In my life recently I have been learning more about what it means to have Jesus define my life! T Last week at church the pastor stopped what he was preaching about because he felt like God was telling him that there were people there who felt defined by their families, jobs, fears, really everything but Jesus. God told him to tell us that we are not defined by those things. Talk about freedom! Not to mention God again and again uses his perfect timing for the touching on the things I am working through. It was also encouraging to see someone stop and listen to God and share in the middle of his sermon. He probably worked hard to prepare it but God had a different message to deliver.
I have also been learning about purity. Jesus says " Blessed are the pure at heart, for they will see God" (Matthew 5:8) It's easy to apply purity to romantic relationships but there is so much more to it! What does it look like in every aspect of my life to have a pure heart. I really believe that our hearts and minds are more connected than we sometimes let them be. We have the mind of Christ.( 1 Cor 2:16) When we let that be something we embrace rather than memorize I feel like our hearts are being not only healed but purified! I desire a pure heart. I desire to see God. As I take on the mind of Christ and as I let God make my heart pure, I see Him more!
I am the happiest I have been since I got to CT and I praise God for that. Freedom brings joy!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Oh how he loves us...
I should update this more often because whenever I want to there has been so much that has happened in between the last time I posted and this time.
I started my new job. I work as a toddler teacher. I work 40 hours a week from the hours 9:30-6:30. I am usually exhausted. It is draining yet rewarding. All of the people I work with are really nice. People take me seriously. I like that :) The one bad thing about this job is that I am not able to serve in ministry as much as I would like to.
and now this is where I am going to express some heavier stuff
Things are not working out in Hartford like I thought they would. It's funny how we have our own plans and our own agendas and we actually think they will work out perfectly. What I am learning is that God is so much bigger than our plans. His plans are so much bigger than ours. I am really starting to think that he brought me to Hartford to do more than serve with Hartford City Mission. -Yes that ministry is great and I am so passionate about the work that we do and I still want to be involved as much as possible. What i am trying to say that He is definitely calling me into other things...I am not so sure what those are yet.
I am also learning a lot about community. I was honestly feeling so so so down a few weeks ago. I felt as if I had not found that true community that I so desire. Because of that I was so empty. I have so missed engaging in genuine relationship with other Christians. I missed engaging with God through community. I love hearing about other peoples faith experiences, getting to know other peoples stories, studying scripture with my best friends, and learning more about God through fellowship with other people. Well I was having a conversation with a pretty new but good friend about this very thing. He was very affirming and very generous and careful with his words. I was getting pretty vulnerable and for the first time in a while and it felt so safe. A lot more came out of that conversation that I am still processing and still considering. I do want to say that for the first time in so long I feel the bond of community that I have been missing. I feel loved, actually I know that I am. It's a really sweet feeling.
Out of that conversation I mentioned above, I have realized that there are plenty of things that I need to work through. I am fearful of that because I know that it will be extremely uncomfortable and at times painful. Jesus is the only person who can heal me of these things but I am wondering if I need a little help in that process. I have been feeling the need for some spiritual guidance. And right now I need to be praying about what form of that would be best. (mentor, Christian counselor...) please pray with me.
I am in New Mexico right now visiting my family for Christmas. I was so excited to come. I was so excited to see my sister because our conversations over the phone were so good recently. That excitement ended all too quickly. I was silly to think that everything would change and there would be generosity and love flowing at this family gathering. I have spent most of the time silent because I am tired of upsetting her or saying something that she will debate me with. I try to speak up and stand up for myself but the all to familiar past way of dealing with conflict comes rushing back. Mom says not to worry about it. But it's hard not to worry about. But I am reminded that without Jesus there is not going to be true generosity and love. It's just more of a reminder that Jesus is the only one who loves us perfectly. He is the only one who is good to us. So as I mourn over a broken relationship, Jesus is there offering me His perfect relationship. That is refreshing. :) That makes me feel free. As much as I may disappoint someone Jesus offers his forgiveness.
Okay, that's enough. haha. I am not going to add any prayer requests this time. Just because if you read this you should know what to pray for.
PS. I met someone (a guy) who makes my heart kinda melt a little ;) I am praying for God's will. I am also praying that I could protect my heart, but not put up a wall around it.
Another PS I am surviving the snow...It's beautiful and is revealing more of God's creativity to me!
Love you all!
I started my new job. I work as a toddler teacher. I work 40 hours a week from the hours 9:30-6:30. I am usually exhausted. It is draining yet rewarding. All of the people I work with are really nice. People take me seriously. I like that :) The one bad thing about this job is that I am not able to serve in ministry as much as I would like to.
and now this is where I am going to express some heavier stuff
Things are not working out in Hartford like I thought they would. It's funny how we have our own plans and our own agendas and we actually think they will work out perfectly. What I am learning is that God is so much bigger than our plans. His plans are so much bigger than ours. I am really starting to think that he brought me to Hartford to do more than serve with Hartford City Mission. -Yes that ministry is great and I am so passionate about the work that we do and I still want to be involved as much as possible. What i am trying to say that He is definitely calling me into other things...I am not so sure what those are yet.
I am also learning a lot about community. I was honestly feeling so so so down a few weeks ago. I felt as if I had not found that true community that I so desire. Because of that I was so empty. I have so missed engaging in genuine relationship with other Christians. I missed engaging with God through community. I love hearing about other peoples faith experiences, getting to know other peoples stories, studying scripture with my best friends, and learning more about God through fellowship with other people. Well I was having a conversation with a pretty new but good friend about this very thing. He was very affirming and very generous and careful with his words. I was getting pretty vulnerable and for the first time in a while and it felt so safe. A lot more came out of that conversation that I am still processing and still considering. I do want to say that for the first time in so long I feel the bond of community that I have been missing. I feel loved, actually I know that I am. It's a really sweet feeling.
Out of that conversation I mentioned above, I have realized that there are plenty of things that I need to work through. I am fearful of that because I know that it will be extremely uncomfortable and at times painful. Jesus is the only person who can heal me of these things but I am wondering if I need a little help in that process. I have been feeling the need for some spiritual guidance. And right now I need to be praying about what form of that would be best. (mentor, Christian counselor...) please pray with me.
I am in New Mexico right now visiting my family for Christmas. I was so excited to come. I was so excited to see my sister because our conversations over the phone were so good recently. That excitement ended all too quickly. I was silly to think that everything would change and there would be generosity and love flowing at this family gathering. I have spent most of the time silent because I am tired of upsetting her or saying something that she will debate me with. I try to speak up and stand up for myself but the all to familiar past way of dealing with conflict comes rushing back. Mom says not to worry about it. But it's hard not to worry about. But I am reminded that without Jesus there is not going to be true generosity and love. It's just more of a reminder that Jesus is the only one who loves us perfectly. He is the only one who is good to us. So as I mourn over a broken relationship, Jesus is there offering me His perfect relationship. That is refreshing. :) That makes me feel free. As much as I may disappoint someone Jesus offers his forgiveness.
Okay, that's enough. haha. I am not going to add any prayer requests this time. Just because if you read this you should know what to pray for.
PS. I met someone (a guy) who makes my heart kinda melt a little ;) I am praying for God's will. I am also praying that I could protect my heart, but not put up a wall around it.
Another PS I am surviving the snow...It's beautiful and is revealing more of God's creativity to me!
Love you all!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
It's been almost 2 months since I updated this thing last.
I don't even really know where to start.
I guess I will say that I now live upstairs in the Community of the Vine. It's the same house I lived in during the summer I just live on the second floor with different people. I love it. It can be loud and busy but it's great. It is a challenge to live with 3 children but I embrace the challenge.
I just got a new job. I will be working at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. The pay is great and I will get HEALTH BENEFITS!!! Praise God! I was a little apprehensive about taking the job because I really enjoy my current one. It was really hard to leave the babies. I love babies. But this was an obvious answer to prayer! As much as I loved my job it was really just not a good situation...hours were not guaranteed and one of my last paychecks only 25 dollars more than my rent. I hate that money has to be an issue...but the truth is it is.
Speaking of money I am in a new bible study called Sabbath Economics. Sabbath Economics is a study through both Old and New Testament teachings dealing with money, possessions, wealth, and poverty. It is so interesting, challenging, convicting, amazing ect. I have learned a lot.
I have moved back to the church searching process. I really like the one I am at now because of the community. Everyone is great! But I am not being challenged at all really. I think I will still be connected in small ways like fellowship events and their saturday night services.
It's getting cold out. and I know cold is all opinion but I am from San Diego. Until now I didn't really know what it was like for it to get under 50 degrees during the day. I don't really enjoy it. Gloomy weather kinda makes me feel gloomy. I don't like it. soon it will be getting even colder. It's almost December...What?! Honestly that's crazy... Want to know something else crazy...Tomorrow will be 6 months since I said goodbye to my friends and the place I called home. wow. I can't really handle that right now. I just got my CT drivers license the other day...sometimes when I think about how far away I really am I just don't believe it.
It's almost Thanksgiving. Since my parents moved away 2 years ago Thanksgiving has always been a hard holiday. Only because that was our biggest family holiday. I just have memories of waking up early to make the stuffing with my mom and my sister. I remember waiting at the window for all of our aunts and uncles to show up. I remember my mom getting annoyed at my aunt for always being in her way while she was preparing the meal. I remember and miss my grandmas gross jello salad thing. We would all eat it even though no body really truly enjoyed it. :) Since my parents left I have spent Thanksgiving with my best friends and their families. It's crazy that this time last year and actually today is a year...We (so many people) assembled for a pot luck Thanksgiving dinner at the broken piano house. It was so much fun. There was so much joy....That was also the day I moved in with Courtney. What a life changing experience that was. The best roommate situation since I moved out of my parents house....
But I am here in Hartford for a reason! People are always welcome to take a trip to the East Coast and come see me! I would really enjoy that.
I want to know how I can be praying for all of you who read this.
Always remember that God is good. If I had a theme phrase this year it would be that.
I don't even really know where to start.
I guess I will say that I now live upstairs in the Community of the Vine. It's the same house I lived in during the summer I just live on the second floor with different people. I love it. It can be loud and busy but it's great. It is a challenge to live with 3 children but I embrace the challenge.
I just got a new job. I will be working at Connecticut Children's Medical Center. The pay is great and I will get HEALTH BENEFITS!!! Praise God! I was a little apprehensive about taking the job because I really enjoy my current one. It was really hard to leave the babies. I love babies. But this was an obvious answer to prayer! As much as I loved my job it was really just not a good situation...hours were not guaranteed and one of my last paychecks only 25 dollars more than my rent. I hate that money has to be an issue...but the truth is it is.
Speaking of money I am in a new bible study called Sabbath Economics. Sabbath Economics is a study through both Old and New Testament teachings dealing with money, possessions, wealth, and poverty. It is so interesting, challenging, convicting, amazing ect. I have learned a lot.
I have moved back to the church searching process. I really like the one I am at now because of the community. Everyone is great! But I am not being challenged at all really. I think I will still be connected in small ways like fellowship events and their saturday night services.
It's getting cold out. and I know cold is all opinion but I am from San Diego. Until now I didn't really know what it was like for it to get under 50 degrees during the day. I don't really enjoy it. Gloomy weather kinda makes me feel gloomy. I don't like it. soon it will be getting even colder. It's almost December...What?! Honestly that's crazy... Want to know something else crazy...Tomorrow will be 6 months since I said goodbye to my friends and the place I called home. wow. I can't really handle that right now. I just got my CT drivers license the other day...sometimes when I think about how far away I really am I just don't believe it.
It's almost Thanksgiving. Since my parents moved away 2 years ago Thanksgiving has always been a hard holiday. Only because that was our biggest family holiday. I just have memories of waking up early to make the stuffing with my mom and my sister. I remember waiting at the window for all of our aunts and uncles to show up. I remember my mom getting annoyed at my aunt for always being in her way while she was preparing the meal. I remember and miss my grandmas gross jello salad thing. We would all eat it even though no body really truly enjoyed it. :) Since my parents left I have spent Thanksgiving with my best friends and their families. It's crazy that this time last year and actually today is a year...We (so many people) assembled for a pot luck Thanksgiving dinner at the broken piano house. It was so much fun. There was so much joy....That was also the day I moved in with Courtney. What a life changing experience that was. The best roommate situation since I moved out of my parents house....
But I am here in Hartford for a reason! People are always welcome to take a trip to the East Coast and come see me! I would really enjoy that.
I want to know how I can be praying for all of you who read this.
Always remember that God is good. If I had a theme phrase this year it would be that.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
It's been a while since I have written anything on here. My purpose was to have this blog be a summer thing. Something that I could share with people who were interested in what I was doing here. Also it was a way to share prayer requests. This blog was also for myself. It was something I could use to get my thoughts and concerns and praises out. Well Summer (the season) officially ended a few days ago and I have decided to keep this blog going.
To update you all, life in Hartford is good. I will soon be moving upstairs to live in community. I really think it's going to be an interesting experience. I have been working at the daycare in Rocky Hill for about 1 month now. It's going pretty well but the hours I have right now are pretty annoying. (just about every evening to about 9 or 11) That makes it hard to meet people and make friends. But Praise God, I think I found a church! I am really excited about it and have started meeting people and making friends.
The past month has been a month and a half has been a season in my life like no other. With the loss of my grandmother I was taken to a place that I longed to be for so long, the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father. Much of the summer I had a lot of fear and a lot of doubt, making it hard to really feel close to Him. Since then life has been great. When everything seemed to crash down around me I was okay. All I could do was trust that the Lord had this in His hands. Through the tears, I would praise Him.
This brings us to now and I want to share a cool story that happened last night:
Last night was such a blessing. I had the chance to serve dinner to the Destiny Children's Choir from Kampala, Uganda. This was so good. They were all so nice and funny too! And their Joy?! wow so amazing. It was so good and I learned a lot just by being with them for a short amount of time. After dinner was over they called us into the dining room and clapped and thanked us for our service. We were then lovingly embraced by the hugs of 17 beautiful children of God. Before we left them for the night they wanted to pray for us "African Style" is what Solomon called it! They laid their hands on us and all prayed different prayers but at the same time. Some prayed in English and some prayed in a different language (lugandan I think I heard it called) Honestly it was beautiful.
Later at Elevate, our Saturday night service, some of the kids and leaders came. It was so good to worship with them. It's a beautiful thing when people from all different places come together and worship the living God in spirit and in truth. We stood in the dark room, hands raised up high, UNITED! So so so so amazing.
Things in Hartford are going pretty well! Last night at Elevate while I was praying, I felt God telling me to get involved in more things in the North End. Particularly things relating to making sure people are fed. He was moving through that room! I love this new church and I am so glad that I found it!
God is so good and loving and patient and amazing.
1 Timothy 1:12
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.
To update you all, life in Hartford is good. I will soon be moving upstairs to live in community. I really think it's going to be an interesting experience. I have been working at the daycare in Rocky Hill for about 1 month now. It's going pretty well but the hours I have right now are pretty annoying. (just about every evening to about 9 or 11) That makes it hard to meet people and make friends. But Praise God, I think I found a church! I am really excited about it and have started meeting people and making friends.
The past month has been a month and a half has been a season in my life like no other. With the loss of my grandmother I was taken to a place that I longed to be for so long, the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father. Much of the summer I had a lot of fear and a lot of doubt, making it hard to really feel close to Him. Since then life has been great. When everything seemed to crash down around me I was okay. All I could do was trust that the Lord had this in His hands. Through the tears, I would praise Him.
This brings us to now and I want to share a cool story that happened last night:
Last night was such a blessing. I had the chance to serve dinner to the Destiny Children's Choir from Kampala, Uganda. This was so good. They were all so nice and funny too! And their Joy?! wow so amazing. It was so good and I learned a lot just by being with them for a short amount of time. After dinner was over they called us into the dining room and clapped and thanked us for our service. We were then lovingly embraced by the hugs of 17 beautiful children of God. Before we left them for the night they wanted to pray for us "African Style" is what Solomon called it! They laid their hands on us and all prayed different prayers but at the same time. Some prayed in English and some prayed in a different language (lugandan I think I heard it called) Honestly it was beautiful.
Later at Elevate, our Saturday night service, some of the kids and leaders came. It was so good to worship with them. It's a beautiful thing when people from all different places come together and worship the living God in spirit and in truth. We stood in the dark room, hands raised up high, UNITED! So so so so amazing.
Things in Hartford are going pretty well! Last night at Elevate while I was praying, I felt God telling me to get involved in more things in the North End. Particularly things relating to making sure people are fed. He was moving through that room! I love this new church and I am so glad that I found it!
God is so good and loving and patient and amazing.
1 Timothy 1:12
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.
Friday, August 14, 2009
How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure
It sure has been a while since I have wrote anything here.
A lot has happened and I am not quite sure where to start...
The internship is over. I have mixed feelings about that. I guess you could say it's a bittersweet feeling. I am so excited the summer went well. I am so excited about the friendships that were made this summer. I am thankful. I am sad that we are not all living together anymore. I am sad that we are not spending our afternoons with the kids.
The last week of the internship we had a high school youth group staying with us. We let them take charge of camp and plan things. That was a huge success and it was cool to see them learn. It's also cool because I am a product of a high school group. :) I am in Hartford because of the trip I took here in 06. Because we had to pretty much lead these high school kids all week, it gave us the chance to really dive into what we have learned this summer. We all shared what this summer has been to us.
Here are just a few things I learned
I am going to be honest and say that this past week has been pretty difficult. Saturday and Sunday we said our goodbyes to people who were leaving to go back home.(so weird that this time last year I was on my way home..now I'm not) I went to a new church on Sunday. We went to Sunday School in the morning too. Once again, not the church for me. Please pray that I am able to find a church soon. I need community.
Sunday night we went to Sanctuary at Christ Church (we have gone a few times this summer) in Rhode Island. It was so good. I found myself so broken before the Lord tearfully confessing my fears and admitting to God the areas that I have failed him. And once again there he was with open arms waiting. I am so thankful for the presence of the Spirit that night and how God used Psalm 51 to bring me to my knees.
Monday I went to see Tara in philly! so good! It was really nice to see a friend from home. My 4 day adventure there was too short but I needed to make it back in time for Jeff and Emily's going away dinner. Let me just tell you that it was another very tearful night. Jeff and Emily are going to Thailand tomorrow for 4 months and doing some of their own traveling to work in different orphanages and other places for about 6 more months. Their families came a lot of HCM people came. We had a time of worship through song and then a time of prayer for Jeff and Emily. We all then gathered and to pray and lay our hands on them to send them off. We ended by singing Amazing Grace and I don't know if there was a dry eye in the room. We are all so excited for them! God has prepared their hearts and they are ready to do His work. But once again a bittersweet goodbye. And though it is only ten months we are losing a vital part of the family!
One cool thing about last night was through the stories and the tears and the prayers I gained a little bit of peace about when I left. Seeing their parents struggle with goodbyes and letting their kids go I finally understood to impact of my journey to my family and some of my friends! I feel like that is hard to explain haha.
Anyway this is really long... So I'm off to shower and then go to bed!
Things you can pray about-
That I make friends. I am very lonely now that I don't live with 4 other people anymore.
Pray for housing. Right now I am staying in the same room I had this summer. So I am alone on the first floor of the vine. THere is an HCM board meeting monday to figure things out
Pray that God would continually use me here and that I would be aware to opportunities that he gives
And I want to say thanks to all who have faithfully kept reading my updates and praying for me. I also want to thank anyone who reads this (a second time) for supporting me financially
I love you guys!
"Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strenghten you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaiah 41:10
Psalm 51:10-11
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me
A lot has happened and I am not quite sure where to start...
The internship is over. I have mixed feelings about that. I guess you could say it's a bittersweet feeling. I am so excited the summer went well. I am so excited about the friendships that were made this summer. I am thankful. I am sad that we are not all living together anymore. I am sad that we are not spending our afternoons with the kids.
The last week of the internship we had a high school youth group staying with us. We let them take charge of camp and plan things. That was a huge success and it was cool to see them learn. It's also cool because I am a product of a high school group. :) I am in Hartford because of the trip I took here in 06. Because we had to pretty much lead these high school kids all week, it gave us the chance to really dive into what we have learned this summer. We all shared what this summer has been to us.
Here are just a few things I learned
- Everyone in this city, I mean the children, adults, poor, rich, christian, non-christian...we all have one thing in common. The need for Jesus as our savior.
- Everyone here has a story. Their poverty does not define them. They have dreams, desires, fears, opportunities, a past, a future.
- I did not come here to "save" the people in this city. I have come to live alongside of them. To live in true community. To use the resources that God so generously gave me to serve here. I have much to learn from the people of Hartford and I pray that I do. It's awesome because we can learn from each other!
I am going to be honest and say that this past week has been pretty difficult. Saturday and Sunday we said our goodbyes to people who were leaving to go back home.(so weird that this time last year I was on my way home..now I'm not) I went to a new church on Sunday. We went to Sunday School in the morning too. Once again, not the church for me. Please pray that I am able to find a church soon. I need community.
Sunday night we went to Sanctuary at Christ Church (we have gone a few times this summer) in Rhode Island. It was so good. I found myself so broken before the Lord tearfully confessing my fears and admitting to God the areas that I have failed him. And once again there he was with open arms waiting. I am so thankful for the presence of the Spirit that night and how God used Psalm 51 to bring me to my knees.
Monday I went to see Tara in philly! so good! It was really nice to see a friend from home. My 4 day adventure there was too short but I needed to make it back in time for Jeff and Emily's going away dinner. Let me just tell you that it was another very tearful night. Jeff and Emily are going to Thailand tomorrow for 4 months and doing some of their own traveling to work in different orphanages and other places for about 6 more months. Their families came a lot of HCM people came. We had a time of worship through song and then a time of prayer for Jeff and Emily. We all then gathered and to pray and lay our hands on them to send them off. We ended by singing Amazing Grace and I don't know if there was a dry eye in the room. We are all so excited for them! God has prepared their hearts and they are ready to do His work. But once again a bittersweet goodbye. And though it is only ten months we are losing a vital part of the family!
One cool thing about last night was through the stories and the tears and the prayers I gained a little bit of peace about when I left. Seeing their parents struggle with goodbyes and letting their kids go I finally understood to impact of my journey to my family and some of my friends! I feel like that is hard to explain haha.
Anyway this is really long... So I'm off to shower and then go to bed!
Things you can pray about-
That I make friends. I am very lonely now that I don't live with 4 other people anymore.
Pray for housing. Right now I am staying in the same room I had this summer. So I am alone on the first floor of the vine. THere is an HCM board meeting monday to figure things out
Pray that God would continually use me here and that I would be aware to opportunities that he gives
And I want to say thanks to all who have faithfully kept reading my updates and praying for me. I also want to thank anyone who reads this (a second time) for supporting me financially
I love you guys!
"Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strenghten you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaiah 41:10
Psalm 51:10-11
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wait because in His time, so shall this night Soon end in joy
Sometimes I wonder why I am here...I wonder why I even moved here.
Most of the time I feel like I know I heard God's voice so clearly and other times I feel like I just wanted this so badly that maybe it was my voice. Deep down I know it was God and it still is. There was such a peace...such a confidence in this choice. That was how I knew it was God. I think Satan knows what my weaknesses are. He knows that I stress out easily and he knows that I doubt my decisions. And I feel as if this week he is attacking me with that. Not to say that I don't have any responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, but I think he is using them.
Right now any thought of the future freaks me out. I usually end up in tears. Where will I go in 2 and a half weeks?I have no place to live. I have no church community in Hartford. What am I going to do in the holiday season when everyone is with their family? There is so much to do and not enough time to do it. One day it will be winter...and I'm not prepared. Everyone has somebody (boyfriends, best friends, siblings, parents)
I had my orientation for my new job that starts in August today. On the drive home I couldn't help but cry. I am going to be a full time assistant with infants. My dream job? I thought so. But where does that leave me as far as ministry in the city? Most of my time will be spent at work just like it was in San Diego. I mean I hope and pray that I can make my work place another mission field also.
I don't want the rest of this update to be a downer. I just write all of this because I do better writing than I do expressing my feelings, thoughts and desires in speaking them.
So on a more positive note....
God is continuing to work here. Camp has been crazy this week but there are still those little moments that the kids get what we are learning. It is so evident that God is working in them. That they excitedly answer : "I do believe. I want to follow God! " Or kids who were so difficult at the start of summer are now gentle and obedient children. Even one of our street leaders who we weren't so sure was following Jesus volunteering to pray for our day and asked steve many questions after he gave salvation message to the children.
Thank you for those who continue to read this and pray. I shared earlier areas that I am having trouble with...so you can just pray for those things
I miss you san diego friends.
"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." psalm 63:3
Most of the time I feel like I know I heard God's voice so clearly and other times I feel like I just wanted this so badly that maybe it was my voice. Deep down I know it was God and it still is. There was such a peace...such a confidence in this choice. That was how I knew it was God. I think Satan knows what my weaknesses are. He knows that I stress out easily and he knows that I doubt my decisions. And I feel as if this week he is attacking me with that. Not to say that I don't have any responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, but I think he is using them.
Right now any thought of the future freaks me out. I usually end up in tears. Where will I go in 2 and a half weeks?I have no place to live. I have no church community in Hartford. What am I going to do in the holiday season when everyone is with their family? There is so much to do and not enough time to do it. One day it will be winter...and I'm not prepared. Everyone has somebody (boyfriends, best friends, siblings, parents)
I had my orientation for my new job that starts in August today. On the drive home I couldn't help but cry. I am going to be a full time assistant with infants. My dream job? I thought so. But where does that leave me as far as ministry in the city? Most of my time will be spent at work just like it was in San Diego. I mean I hope and pray that I can make my work place another mission field also.
I don't want the rest of this update to be a downer. I just write all of this because I do better writing than I do expressing my feelings, thoughts and desires in speaking them.
So on a more positive note....
God is continuing to work here. Camp has been crazy this week but there are still those little moments that the kids get what we are learning. It is so evident that God is working in them. That they excitedly answer : "I do believe. I want to follow God! " Or kids who were so difficult at the start of summer are now gentle and obedient children. Even one of our street leaders who we weren't so sure was following Jesus volunteering to pray for our day and asked steve many questions after he gave salvation message to the children.
Thank you for those who continue to read this and pray. I shared earlier areas that I am having trouble with...so you can just pray for those things
I miss you san diego friends.
"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." psalm 63:3
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The storm is wild enough for sailing
I never really know how to start off these updates.
We have been really busy these past few weeks.
Last weekend we went to New Hampshire on our intern retreat. We spent the weekend at a lake house. So great! The weekend was much needed and a huge growing experience for all of us. We did this thing called straight talk. Straight Talk is an exercise where we tell each other areas of strengths we see in each other. Another part of Straight Talk is a expressing areas of weakness we see in each other. That was a really good thing but very emotional. I think we all cried haha.
Basically I need to work on speaking up about how I feel or opinions I have. I'm not pliable just quiet.
Camp is going pretty good. We have a new location because the church we are meeting at needs their building free for their kids programs. There have been some really heavy days as far as problems with the kids. It's hard to watch them get angry. It's hard see them use violence as a first response. But it is so rewarding to see them helping one another! To see them learning is awesome! Today Leishla told me that she was scared last night but then was okay when she realized Jesus was with her. She is 7. Her faith moves me sometimes.
There have been some days where I have felt like I made the wrong choice by moving out here! There have been days where I have felt so alone and scared about this new time. To say the least...It's been a rough week.
Today is a new day and I am feeling pretty good. Exhausted but good. We have bible study tonight and that is my favorite part of the week!
Please be praying for the kids at camp. We are in the process of teaching them about the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Please also be praying for my fundraising. There are 3 weeks left and I need about 300 more dollars to reach my goal.
Pray for guidance and discernment in finding a place to live. We have 3 weeks.
Pray for God to fill me with his peace in times of uncertainty and fear.
I know this is kinda jumbled...but so am I right now:)
I will leave you with two things that have been on my heart.
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
We have been really busy these past few weeks.
Last weekend we went to New Hampshire on our intern retreat. We spent the weekend at a lake house. So great! The weekend was much needed and a huge growing experience for all of us. We did this thing called straight talk. Straight Talk is an exercise where we tell each other areas of strengths we see in each other. Another part of Straight Talk is a expressing areas of weakness we see in each other. That was a really good thing but very emotional. I think we all cried haha.
Basically I need to work on speaking up about how I feel or opinions I have. I'm not pliable just quiet.
Camp is going pretty good. We have a new location because the church we are meeting at needs their building free for their kids programs. There have been some really heavy days as far as problems with the kids. It's hard to watch them get angry. It's hard see them use violence as a first response. But it is so rewarding to see them helping one another! To see them learning is awesome! Today Leishla told me that she was scared last night but then was okay when she realized Jesus was with her. She is 7. Her faith moves me sometimes.
There have been some days where I have felt like I made the wrong choice by moving out here! There have been days where I have felt so alone and scared about this new time. To say the least...It's been a rough week.
Today is a new day and I am feeling pretty good. Exhausted but good. We have bible study tonight and that is my favorite part of the week!
Please be praying for the kids at camp. We are in the process of teaching them about the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Please also be praying for my fundraising. There are 3 weeks left and I need about 300 more dollars to reach my goal.
Pray for guidance and discernment in finding a place to live. We have 3 weeks.
Pray for God to fill me with his peace in times of uncertainty and fear.
I know this is kinda jumbled...but so am I right now:)
I will leave you with two things that have been on my heart.
Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
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